"Love Formula" by Van Fan Yi Cheng

This is a very memorable song...

I've translated it to english for those who don't understand chinese. Just some simple translation.

I came upon the acoustic version. I usually like songs that are sang acoustically where the lyrics and voice stand out more, giving more feel to the song. In order to upload this song, I had to convert it to mp4 and upload it as a video, but this is actually an mp3. Reason for the poor sound quality is because I convert it to a lower bit rate which will have a lower mb, so it doesn't take so long to upload.

Why I say this is a very memorable song? (Some details may be forgotten since this happened quite some time back)

On a fateful night, I prepared myself with this song in my iBook, an email, which took me a few days to write. With my iBook and a box which I'd packed everything that belongs to her that was in my room. It took me some courage to pack her stuff and choose that day to end what was going on between us.

Nontheless, things didn't turned out well between us, although friends tried to make things work out between us again. These friends gave me sound advices and even taught me what to do. Then again, it's never easy to change what has happened. Knowing her so well, and knowing myself so well, it won't be easy to start things all over again, after the "scars" that were left in both of us.

Though we've parted before and got back together, I remembered I told her, I love her, less than tomorrow, more then yesterday. Never to let her be hurt again, never to let her encounter what she's been through before. I've lost her, never again. I will love her with all my might, to treat her like a princess. True enough, she was my princess. She used to be my princess. I called her my princess.

We started off as friends and things turned out differently after nights of supper after work, and drives, around in the night. To Kent Ridge Park, enjoying the breeze and night sky. To East Coast Park for some chit-chatting. Eventually we got to know each other better. The day came when we first held hands in the cinema. I accidentally squeezed her pinkie with my ring on my pinkie and it kind of hurt her abit. Gave her a gentle rub to ease the pain and slowly our hands clamped together.

Our relationship started then. With plenty of good memories and bad ones as well. She was precious to me and being myself, who is rather possesive, I tend to let my head got over me when I found out she was still in contact with her ex. Jealousy got into me and it followed by a heated quarrel. It started with some smses during our trip to Bangkok, and when back in Singapore, I revealed that I've read her sms without her knowing. There's no need for her to hide things from me anymore. Jealousy indeed got over me thinking she's up to something with her ex or so called good friend.

Some things were indeed better left unknown. Then again, curiousity killed the cat. I let the cat out of the bag. She felt her privacy being invaded. We ended, felt devasted.

Took me some time to forget her. I couldn't forget her. She has changed me totally, she has left something in me. I held on to chances I had then, trying to win her back, gain her trust again. Chances were slim, knowing that she got attached.

Finally came a chance which I grabbed without much thoughts. (Still remember the shoe I mentioned some time back that I would talked about one day? Well, this is the shoe.)



She got this shoe when she was in KL. Her mum accidentally lost one side of it. It was her favourite and was so grumpy over her lost. I took the initiative to find this pair of shoe for her. Went around stores in Singapore in search of it, but to no avail. Apparently it was discontinued.

All thanks to the internet, I managed to find the one and only pair after some exchanges of emails with the company that makes them. All the way back to KL. It was the only pair left and it's my only source to get them. Immediately sort out my work schedules, left for KL 2 days later. Called up the store once I reached KL, to confirm they've reserved the shoe for me. Left for the store after I checked in to Ritz Carlton, bringing the neccesary. Finally I managed to get hold of the same shoe for her! Mission accomplised!

3 days and 2 nights later, came back to Singapore, gave her the shoes. She knew I was in KL, but didn't know why I was there. She was surprised to see a brand new pair of her favourite shoe. She was touched. She was happy. She mentioned my "expedition" to her friend and she was proud of what I've done for her. This friend happened to be the one that bumped into me in town while I was searching for this pair of shoe. This friend somehow did me a favour in one way or another.

I knew this shoe helped me to win her back. We got back together. This time, I held on to our relationship dear. I treated her even better and even deeper with my heart. Slowly, she opened her heart to me. I rememebered the night she told me something which no one knows, not even her closest kin. That was the night I felt so much for her. It was a night I wouldn't forget. It was one trip I wouldn't forget. It was her grandma's birthday and I was honored to tag along to pay her my respects in Maur. It was one trip which we became closer to each other.

In the night, I held her close. I felt the pain she went through. I felt it for her. We felt even more bonded.

During this period, things went well. But complacency got over. Thinking our love is strong. I was so wrong. No love is strong. Everything is brittle, always. Even the slightest slip in trust would break the strongest bond. It is easy to be in a relationship, but difficult to maintain it.

I lost her before, won her back with my sincerity. Now I've lost her again.

it was anxitey, anxiousness, worries of losing her that she had phobia of me. It made her so afraid of me that it hurt me so much when she mentioned she had phobia of seeing me. I knew I was to extreme in my actions. I thought anyone would understand why I reacted that way. The love was deeper, the sense of togetherness was closer. the feeling of her letting me into her life was greater. I was even more devasted than the first encounter.

My thoughts were just my thoughts. I never listened to her carefully. I crossed the border. I crossed her threshold. I did too much of what I did. It was too much. When my mind and heart finally came to a stop and being able to think rationally. I knew I was over-doing it. I knew I was wrong. I knew it wasn't my fault alone. It began to clear up.

The love was too much, the hurt was too painful, the cut was too deep. I loved her as much as I could. I've done my best. She knew what it was. She knew what made it become like this. She knew....

Finally it took some time to come over to terms with what has happened. Finally everything is clear to me. Finally i knew what was actually happening. Finally, yes, finally, after a period of time, after months of trying to put the puzzle together. Finally.

I packed her belongings, wrote my thoughts and feelings, plucked the courage, to end the hurt that was lingering in me. It was too much for me to bear. Life needs to go on. I knew it was a task to get into her heart. I've tried. I didn't gave up. What I've done just wasn't appreciated. There's no point holding on anymore. It's time to end everything.

What I can give, what I can provide, what I can accept, has a limit. This is so much I can give, so much I can provide, and so much I can accept, it has reached the limit.

Since she chose to do what she has done, I can't stop her. I wanted to forgive and forget, but it was never easy. I've made up my mind.

The decision hurt. Still it has to end. I don't know if I can handle the hurt anymore. I don't know if I can hold my doubts off.

On this fateful night, I returned everything to her. I sat down, she sat in front of me. I open my iBook, I played this song, she read what I've wrote. She was in tears, I was fighting back my tears. It hurts to see her in tears, it hurts to hold back the tears, I let it flow. She's done reading, I was ready to go, once and for all, for good....

I stopped at the gate. I told her, everything except the ring she had gave me. It meant alot to me, and I wanna keep it. Though I wanna let go of everything, I still feel so much for the ring, from her.

I told her to take care of herself. I planted a kiss on her forehead. Tears slowly fell on her forehead. I held onto her head with my left hand, with my forehead on her head. I planted another kiss on her forehead, a long one, before saying take care again.

I walked down the stairs, with pain, with tears. This is the love I have for her. The love that I am willing to let go of everything, let her do what she wants, enjoy and be happy. She leads her own life. She chose the path she wants. I just wanna leave her happy, letting her know how much I love her and this love formula that I have for her.

Back in the car, I felt relieved. The pain, the hurt, wasn't so unbearable anymore. I felt better. I felt as if something heavy just got off my shoulders. I took a deep breathe. I drove off. I knew she would be happy.

Tears start falling as I drove home. When flashes of our happy times kept appearing in my mind. They were wonderful moments. Memories which can't be bought, happiness which will never be encountered again. It was the last time my tears fell for her. A special girl I've loved so much. My love for her speak volumes, we both knew, she knew. She knew how much I loved her. She knew deep in her heart, she knew what we've lost. She knew what she lost. I knew what I lost.

I don't feel it as much as before. It was never the same. It will never be the same. Or will it?

This was how much she use to mean to me;

"My precious darling,

I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you. Sometimes at night, I start thinking of you and then ask myself, why? Why do I love you?

I think and smile because I know the list could run on for miles. The whisper of your voice, the warmth of your touch, so many little things that make me love you so much.

The way that your kiss fills me with desire and how you hold me with warmth. The way that I feel when you're by my side, a sense of completion and pride. The dreams that I dream that all involve you, the possibilities I see and the things we can do. How you finish the puzzle that lies inside my heart, how that deep in my soul, you are the most important part.

I could go on for days, telling of what I feel, but all you really must know is my love for you is real.

I love you, less than tomorrow, more than yesterday."

Nontheless, what we've been through have made us stronger. We learnt from there and then. We learnt to be stronger than before. We learnt alot from each other.

I wish she's doing fine, and she's been loved by someone who truly loves her. Someone who can love her more than I did. I know my love for her was a task for someone else to meet. She will find her true love.

"True LOVE is neither physical, nor romantic.
True LOVE is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything;
They just make the best of everything that comes along their way.

Life is what we make it, always has been, always will be.
Happiness doesn’t depend on what you have but you satisfy & contended with.

Try looking at the simple side of life; don’t make life around you so complicated.
It’s how you make others happy rather than how you want others to make you happy."